Sunday, December 14, 2008

My New Mom-vention

One of the many things we women sacrifice when we become mothers is our butts. I don't mean because they change in size or shape. I've never had the ideal size and shape in that area anyway. I'm talkin' temperature, people.

It's a mere 20 degrees here today, and that fact has alerted me to the amount of time I spend with my posterior hanging out of the car fastening and unfastening car seat straps, changing diapers in the seat of the car, and chasing upside down sippy cups that claim to be leak-free. I've been home nearly a half hour and my butt still hasn't thawed completely.

I've come up with a solution. I'm going to take a staple gun and attach a roman shade to the roof of the car just above the door. That way when I go to put the child in the car and assume the best-face-forward position, I can just drop that shade over my behind and keep it nice and toasty warm.

Maybe I can make and sell my invention to other moms out there. I'll call it the Toasty Tushie. What a great way to make some extra Christmas cash!

If that doesn't work, maybe I could just sell ad space on my butt.

Friday, December 12, 2008


Nathan learned a new word!!! Okay, maybe it doesn’t technically qualify as
a word, but when anything new is added to his list of five kid-tested,
Nathan-approved words, I get really excited.

So far, the only words he’ll say on a regular basis are:

Mama, Dada, Bite, Hat, and Hot

It isn’t that he only knows five words. His first word was ball. He’s also
said bath, fish, reach, and please. There is a subtle difference in the
“Mama” he uses for me and the “Mama” that he uses for his Grandmas. It’s
hard to discern, but it’s there. My mom even got him to say Santa exactly
two times. He also says Uh-uh and Uh-huh, but I’m not sure if they count.

Evidently my little man is kind of a word snob. He’ll learn a word, say it
once or twice and then decided it doesn’t taste right in his mouth and spit
it out like the macaroni I tried to give him when he really wanted a
carrot, even though the night before his whole dinner consisted of nothing
but macaroni and Tuesday was carrot day. My baby boy actually ate an entire
meal of nothing but lima beans one time. But that’s a subject for another
post. The word finicky comes to mind.

I should add that he does have a few animal sounds in his repertoire. He
does a mean puppy imitation complete with arfs and panting. He also shouts
his own special version of Yee-haw when he’s riding his Wonder Horse. He
kind of mixes it together with Hi-Yah! And he gives a funny little Karate
kick when he says it. I call him the Cowboy Ninja, but once again, I

So now his vocabulary consists of the following:

Mama, Dada, Bite, Hot , Hat

& HO HO HO!!

I taught him to say what Santa Claus says! It was hard to pry it out of him
right at first, but now he kind of thinks that’s Santa’s name. When I went
to pick him up from the sitter’s the other night, he got really excited and
grabbed my hand to drag me over to the Christmas tree, shouting “Mama!
Mama!” over and over again. He pointed excitedly to a Santa Claus ornament
and said, “HO HO HO!”

A couple of nights ago, we were out to eat with my mom and my aunt, and a
big biker guy with a white beard walked out of the back dining room.
Nathan’s eyes got really big and he pointed to the man and said, “HO HO

It’s so exciting this year, because he’s starting to figure this Christmas
thing out. We visited Santa at the mall (no pics yet, it was a trial run)
and then lo and behold, we saw him shopping at Wal-Mart that same evening.
He had candy canes and toilet paper in his cart. When ya gotta go…

Nathan gets really excited when he see’s Santa on tv, and he likes to watch
Christmas shows, especially the Grinch. He didn’t care much for the live
action movie – that Grinch was a little scary at times – but he loved the
cartoon. He cracked me up when we watched it together. When that old Grinch
was stealing the Christmas tree, Nathan’s eyes were as big as saucers and
his eyebrows were raised as far as they could go. It was such a look of
deep concern! I said, “Nathan, he took their Christmas tree!!” and he just
kind of nodded, not wanting to tear his eyes away. Oh, the suspense! When
the Grinch saved the sleigh from falling down the mountain, and he picked
it up high over his head, Nathan threw both arms up and cheered! It was so
cute I almost cried. But I’m a bit of a crier in my old age.

I can’t wait until Christmas Eve. We’re going to put out cookies for Santa,
and I’m excited to see what he thinks when he wakes up and finds them
eaten! This having a kid thing is pretty gosh-darned fun!

Wow! Do you think I could Use! More! Exclamation! Points!!!! Somebody slap