Sometimes I think I should take down the photos I have plastered all over my cubie. They’re 99% Nathan, and they are a little distracting. Often, when I’m waiting for a report to recall, or checking my voicemail, I stare up at his little face and I feel so unbelievably homesick. I actually feel a little pang in my chest, and I miss him so much you’d think I hadn’t seen him in months rather than mere hours. I just want to get up and run home to smother him with kisses.
At first I thought the feeling would fade. Until now, I’ve never had a place to hang photos at work. Before I got my cubie, I missed him while I was at work, but I thought it was just because he was new. I was having new mommy I-don’t-want-to-work-I-just-want-to-stay-home-and-stare-at-him feelings. That's normal, right? That first day back to work (the day after he turned one month old) I was like a junkie waiting for a fix. When my lunch hour came, I broke every speed limit between the mall and our apartment.
The urgency has subsided a bit, but the pangs, if anything, have gotten worse. He's like a real little person now! He makes me laugh and he amazes me with how smart he is. I can't wait to get home to see what new thing he's learned each day. He reminds me of my own childhood. He does these silly little things that I used to do but had forgotten. Like bumping down carpeted steps on his rear, and blowing bubbles in the bathtub.
The best part of all? He likes me. I mean, he really, really likes me. I'm one of his favorite people in the whole world. He believes every word out of my mouth. If he's scared, he wants Mama. If he's sad, he wants Mama. If he's tired, hurt, excited, hungry, etc, he wants his Mama. I've never felt so important in my entire life, and I gotta tell ya, I like the feeling.